Out of Control

The above picture was taken at my first Bariatric Appointment - I was 285 lbs.  It makes me cry looking at it.  How in the world did I let myself get to be so unhealthy???  The bigger question - WHY did I let myself get that unhealthy???  It disgusts me.  I tried to change my eating habits, but I would eat because I was depressed and I was depressed because I was so overweight, among other life events that I couldn't shake - a vicious cycle far too many people are familiar with.  I think weight loss is easier for some more than others.  You always hear people say "if you just put your mind to it."  They are right, but I truly believe some need the extra help, and I am one of those people.

I contemplated weight loss surgery (WLS) for about 9 months to a year and to be honest, the only thing stopping me was the fear of judgement.  I think weight loss surgery is all to often referred to as "the easy way out," and to be perfectly honest, that's exactly what I thought about it about 5 years ago.  But I started to educate myself and learned it is far from it.  Simply put, WLS is a tool.  Do I believe everyone who is overweight should have it done?  Absolutely not.  I think it is GREAT that some people can do it without the extra tool of WLS.  But about 3 months prior to making my decision, I was having some serious health concerns that would effect me long term if I didn't do something about my weight.  I learned I had hypertension (high blood pressure), type 2 diabetes (which caused health issues on its own), horrible joint and back pain, depression, liver problems, and a BMI of 48.7. These health concerns are what made me tell myself I needed help.

So, this past June, I made the decision to have WLS.  I have always been a patient of Park Nicollet so I looked up their Bariatric Surgery online and attended an hour and a half information session on the different surgeries they perform.  Since I had already done A LOT of research, I was very familiar with the different types of surgeries and what they entail.  I went home knowing my options but did not want to make any decisions prior to my first appointment.  I filled out my packet and sent it in, now I just had to wait for a phone call to make my first appointment.

June 26, 2012 I anxiously walked into the Bariatric Center.  My weigh in:  276 lbs and a BMI of 48.4.  I think the thing that made it most real to me was when my nurse, Candace, took my "before" pictures and said "Smile, this is the last time you will see yourself as this weight."  After my appointment with her, I saw a psychologist and a dietitian, the first of a few appointments with them, and went home knowing I was well on my way to a healthier me.

Without boring you with the minor details, I met with my surgeon (after multiple appointments with nurses, dietitians, and the psychologist) on July 18th and we scheduled my surgery for July 31st!  Prior to surgery they require a 10 day liquid diet to help make the liver less rigid as they need to maneuver around it, making it easier on the surgeon.  So I was on 5-6 protein shakes a day and clear liquids.  Was rough at times, but I lost 17 lbs preop.

I've had a few minor bumps since surgery.  2 weeks post op I had a fever of 103 and after multiple tests they could not figure out why.  It eventually went away on its own and I was back on track.  Then at almost 5 weeks post op I was having a hard time keeping food and even liquid down.  The burning feeling in my esophagus was AWFUL.  They admitted me as I was very dehydrated and after a few tests, learned I have severe acid reflux, which is VERY uncommon after this surgery because your stomach isn't that big so there isn't much acid.  I, of course, was an exception.  Seems I'm always a medical mystery!  I'm on Zantac for 2 weeks and then Prilosec for 90 days and it seems to be helping wonderfully!

I am now 6 and a half weeks post op and including my preop weight loss, I am down 66 lbs.  My hypertension and diabetes are gone.  YES GONE!  My joint pain is minimal and I have been off my anti-depressants since surgery with no problems!  My BMI is down to 36 and I am feeling so good.  I have absolutely NO regrets and am living life to its fullest.  I actually WANT to go outside with my husband and son now and take walks because it's not painful.  I am able to do simple things that I was never able to do before.  This was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.  This surgery has taught me how to eat to live, not live to eat, and while I can indulge every once in a while, I know I have to work at this the rest of my life.  This tool has given me the opportunity to be who I want to be.

Below is a picture I just took today.  I have to take pictures because mentally, I still see myself as "Fat Jennifer."  It's actually very common among those who lose weight - it's very psychological.  Anyway, this entry has become long enough, so I will leave you with a quote of the day:

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."  George Bernard Shaw